I am having to allow Abba-Yahweh to touch and clean out some big, scary, vulnerable, highly – sensitive… unsurrenderred areas of myself so that I can walk in life and life more abundantly!
But one thing in particular that I am having to face right now…is my biggest, deepest fear inside of myself.
It is not for the faint of heart…and I am recoverying from that very thing both emotionally and physically. Ironic? No. There are no coincidences!
This is the hardest season I have had to walk through, to date (for so many reasons).
But…again…right on time!
Abba-Yahweh reminded me of this, through a beautiful, further – mended vessel.
The biggest fear God is addressing in me is…the reality that one day…sooner than I like to think about…I will lose those I love most deeply in a sense.
This is as I am recalling a conversation I had with my grandmothers years ago and recently again. As I am having to face the fact that my father – in -love is so close to death right now and my father’s (and surviving grandfather’s) health continue to decline). And my husband has been away. All the men I love and have been a big part of my life are heavy on my heart. I have struggled with this my entire life and now (more than ever) it seems bigger than anything I can handle on my own. My anchors and protectors.
This is so scary and painful to surrender to God, for me.
Even when in a room of people…an overwhelming sense of…being involuntarily and eternally left alone, unprotected and slowly being forgotten about.
I know this is not actually true.
Even if my husband were to pass before me…I will still have MY FIRST LOVE and The One who knows me more intimately than any other…
Persuing me still,
Guarding me day and night
and working everything for MY good, every moment…before, now and to come!
And this amazing, perfect and eternal provider is preparing a magnificent place just for me (and just for you) when I am permanently absent from this earthly body, in eternity.
Saying it back to Him, out loud…as I read it over myself (as You, Abba-Yahweh have said and promised in your word…) reminds me of that.
Yahweh means “I Am yesterday, today and to come.” It also means “I AM.”
Abba means, “Daddy.”
My loving father,
who is my everything….
Who will always exist and be near to me…
I will continue to praise You, Abba-Yahweh!
In You, I find my hope!
In You, I find my joy!
In You, I find my Peace!